Checking In

I haven't posted in  couple of months, for various reasons, and I need to figure out some way of making it a habit to write here on a more regular basis. 

That being said, I feel like I've been doing a pretty good job of working on my goal to be happier and healthier. In some ways I feel like I have been more emotional, but not necessarily in a bad way. In fact, multiple articles I've read and videos that I have watched have told me that as we become more awakened, we can become more emotional and/or sensitive to the world around us. I think for me this has proven true, as I have been spending more time and energy on reorganizing my life, and questioning certain choices and decisions. I feel that I'm just starting to enter a period of transformation, and that I am becoming stronger and happier because of it. 

Not to say that I don't still have major stressors in my life, but I'm slowly learning to work past them, and not let them control my life, although it can be extremely hard sometimes. This week in particular has been extremely stressful, due to an incident that was out of my control that happened last week, and in some ways I have felt like I was drowning in stress and anxiety. Normally I am able to keep my anxiety under control pretty well, but the last week really has presented a challenge, and it's been hard. 

However, last night, walking home from work after a very nice, warm spring day, surrounded by the fragrant aroma of blooming flowers... I finally felt like I could breathe again for the first time in several days. 

Now, I know that in life there will always be moments of sadness, or stress, or anger, but one thing I have learned is that no matter how bad things can get, there is always something to be thankful for or to smile about. Friends and family have kept me going this week; the last few years I have purposely surrounded myself with people who are positive, and supportive, and who I know will always be there for me if I need anything. As funny as it sounds, my mom's chickens also can really help when I'm having a rough time. I have a favorite one named Dolly, who is a little orange silkie, and I have been picking her up and cuddling her since she was a little chick and would fall asleep cuddled up in my jacket, against my neck.

Flowers, sunshine, wind, birdsong, books, a hot cup of tea, a cat cuddled up on my lap, the giggles of my children - all of these are things that make me smile and get through any hardships I may be going through. 

I think one of the most important things to remember is that no matter how bad we feel in a moment, things can always get better, and that the way we react and cope with a situation, is what will make all of the difference in the long run.

I may have had a hard week, but that's all it is, a hard week, and I refuse to let it effect my life. I have so many thing to be happy about and thankful for, and I choose to focus on those instead.

Anyways, here's to a new week and to further my journey towards healing.

~ Hannah Elise 

A Week In

It has been (just over) a week since I committed myself to working on my health and taking better care of myself, and I have to admit that it has been harder than I thought it would be. I always forget how hard it is to break bad habits, and create good ones, until I actually try to change them.

I have actually done a pretty good job so far of eating better, but at the same time, it seems like the healthier I try to eat, the more I crave crappy foods. Now, when I am at home I eat well, because I hardly ever buy processed foods and I cook from scratch. The hard part is working in a restaurant where we serve lots of pizza and fried foods. I have started trying to make the effort to eat at home, before work, in the hopes that I don't become as hungry throughout my workday, but it's still a work in progress.

As far as any changes in diet, I'm focused on increasing my intake of certain foods, instead of focusing on what I "can't" or "shouldn't" have; MORE raw vegetables; MORE water; MORE good fats; MORE eating in. Of course, I am trying to cut back on things like processed sugars, bad fats, simple carbs, and caffeine, but based on articles I have read, changes seem to go a little smoother when you focus on "can" instead of cannot", and I refuse to beat myself up for slipping up.

The last couple of weeks I have also started to drink chaga tea, which I have read has amazing health benefits. Among other things, it is supposed to increase your metabolism and energy, is full of antioxidants, and supports the immune system. So far, there haven't been any noticeable changes, but I don't expect anything to happen overnight. I've been trying to drink at least a couple cups of chaga a day, which has probably been the easiest change so far.

In addition to changing my eating habits, I've been working on trying to exercise on a more regular basis, and working on my meditation and spirituality, but I will focus on that in a future post. For now I plan on staying positive and moving forward without stressing about things.

Wish me luck!

~ Hannah Elise ♥

Beginning My Journey to Healing

Today will be the first day in my journey to heal. 

I am only 24 years old, yet I have become so tired; tired of work; tired of constantly feeling like there's never enough time for the things I want to do; tired of feeling stuck doing what is "expected" of me as an individual in today's society; tired of the hate in the world and the negativity I see everywhere; tired of feeling tired. 

For the next year, I plan on devoting myself to healing from the pain of everyday, modern life. 

I plan on focusing my energy this next year on healing through really living, while learning how to better care for myself. I plan on working on my physical health, of course, but more importantly, my mental health and spirituality. 

I'm done merely existing, feeing like a bystander in my own life. I am ready to take control of my own story, and finally feel alive again.

No more waiting, I'm making things happen. 

~ Hannah Elise ❤

My Favorite Christmas Song

Have Yoursef a Merry Little Christmas is, hands down, my favorite Christmas song. I've always loved her voice and  Meet Me in St. Louis, the movie this song comes from, has been one of my favorites since I was a little girl. 

I'm listening to this now, while making gingerbread cookies, as snow sits on the ground outside. I'm pretty dang content. 

Enjoy!

❤️ Hannah Elise

We Are Better Than This

I tend to not share my political or religious views on social media, or even discuss them with many people in daily conversation. That's not to say I don't have very strong views, that I am passionate about, but I feel that people tend to be quick to judge and I would rather be known for my character, rather than what party I vote for or what god I worship.

That being said, I couldn't help saying something after the election results last night.

All I posted was a Facebook status that read "we are better than this."

This morning I woke up to one response to my status, contradicting what I had posted and telling me that obviously we are not better than this, because if we were, we wouldn't have had the two candidates that we ended up with.

While I agree that we could have gotten better candidates, as I have not wanted either of them to become President since this race began, I still have to stick to my original statement.

We are better than this.

As a woman, I am terrified to consider what having a president like Trump could be like. I am tired of feeling objectified and treated like a second-class citizen. I am tired of not being taken seriously, because it's "cute" when I get mad, and not receiving recognition at work for the same job, or having to work twice as hard for something that a male colleague gets handed to them. I am tired of being afraid to live alone or walk the streets at night, because I am female and that is the only reason someone needs to attack or rape me. I am tired of being told that I am being "pushy" or "bossy" when I'm trying to get something done, when those phrases wouldn't be as likely to be used to describe a man. I am tired of being expected to act a certain way because I'm female.

As a mother, it scares the crap out of me to be raising my children during a time when the leader of our country, who so many people look up to, ran his campaign based on prejudice and hate and just being a bully. We teach our children to be accepting of others' differences, and to not judge and to be kind, yet the man who they will grow up watching lead our country exemplifies none of those qualities.

As a friend and human being I am scared to consider how his presidency could affect the progress we've made towards equal rights. It is 2016 and we have come so far, how did a man who was openly endorsed by the KKK, and who has advocated violence get voted into office?

It's terrifying to think of what could happen in the next four to eight years, and I spent a good amount of time last night crying and thinking about it. We can't lose hope though.

We are better than this.

Yes, Trump may be our new president, but we are in charge of how we react..

As Martin Luther King Jr. said "Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." If we are trying to combat Trump, who built his campaign around hate, rioting against him, burning flags, and inciting violence doesn't make us any better.

We need to stop living our lives centered around fear and hatred.

We don't know how the next four to eight years will pan out. We can hope for the best or expect the worst, but we can't see the future, and we have no control over it.

What we do know is that we are still alive, and we still have the same passions and beliefs that we had yesterday. We can still work together and build each other up and make things happen in our local communities. We can spread love and kindness to our fellow man. We can react to what happened and riot and spread hatred, or we can act to do our part in making the world a better place. 

We may not currently have the leader we wanted and the leader we wanted may not have even been running in this election, but we can take the opportunity to rise up and become the leaders that we need to lead the future forward.

We can't just sit around and accept how the world is and not move forward because we are afraid to get outside of our comfort zones. When people come together and support each other, we can do amazing things, and I think it's finally time that we start owning this power and creating the world that we want our children to live in.

We are better than this. 

One More Item Marked Off the Bucketlist

I have always loved music and have been singing since before I could officially talk (at least according to my mom). I grew up watching musicals, then performing in choir and musicals in high school. Afterwards though, I stopped and started focusing on other things, and I feel like I lost a piece of myself in the process. 

Finally, as of this last May, I started singing again with my best friend's dad. He has been playing and performing in bands off and on for the last 50 years and is an extremely talented guitar player, but hadn't been playing for a little while for the same reasons, and was in need of a vocalist. My friend suggested me, and The Songbird and the Axeman was born. 

Last month we finally had our first two concerts, and I loved it. Singing makes me feel so alive, and I can't believe I'm actually getting paid to do something I enjoy so much. I've wanted to do this for years, and I finally am. 

Dreams do come true. ❤️

Until next time,

The Songbird

Food!

This is a repost from my other blog, but I thought it went along with my previous post. 

I never realized before how much I really LOVE food. I mean, I've always said that I do, and that I enjoy eating good food, but I'm realizing that my life just revolves around it. I've been a restaurant server, a pastry chef, and now a cook, and I just love creating good food. I read about food, I watch travel shows that center around food, I love experimenting with new recipes, I want to farm and grow nutritious food to share with people, I go crazy looking at all the gorgeous food at the farmers' market, and I take lots of pictures of food. I am passionate about food. 

So don't be surprised when many of my posts contain some food-related topic. 

Happy eating!

~ Hannah Elise ❤️

Three Weeks Later

It's been three weeks since I started as a full time cook, and they have been busy, but rewarding. I think the biggest change is being able to sleep through the night again, and not being tired all day. It's also nice actually having a life again, and being able to go out and do things. 

I ended my last month at the bakery by taking a mini vacation to a cabin at the coast with my boyfriend, for his birthday weekend. I think it was exactly what both of us needed to recharge and get away from the world for a bit. The weather was beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed being able to lose myself in my surroundings, not having to worry about anything. 

Since then, I've been keeping busy with work, family, friends, band practice, and the boyfriend, and even though I'm not certain about what the next step is, or positive about about I want to do in the long run, I'm pretty dang happy in the here-and-now, and I think that's the most important thing. Happiness. 

~ Hannah Elise ❤️

No Longer a Baker

I began writing this three weeks ago, but never got around to finishing it. 

May 28th

This morning marked my last day as a pastry chef. 

For the last year I have been going to work at 2am, spending my early mornings cutting and forming croissant dough into pastries and coming home smelling of bread, covered in flour.

I have gone from knowing nothing about pastry making and starting out as an assistant, learning as I went, to head pastry chef, with my own assistants. 

This last year has been amazing. I have learned so much, and made some great friends, I even was able to mark something off of my bucket list, and I'm grateful for the opportunity being presented to me.

 However, now I must move on. My children need me to be around (and awake) more, which means I need to be working a job with more normal hours. Luckily for me, the restaurant that I used to be a server at just happened to have a breakfast cook position a month or so ago, which I had taken on for a little extra money, and was working at after my job at the bakery on the weekends. Shortly after that they lost another cook, and so began my month long crazy schedule of working part time at the restaurant four days a week, after my shift at the bakery ended, so that I could train as I prepared to transfer back to the restaurant full time. 

And now I have completed my last day as a baker. Today was bittersweet, but I am looking forward to this next chapter. 

~ Hannah Elise ❤️

My Adventure Book

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone has had a great start to the year, I know I have. This year I won't be making any resolutions, but I have decided to create my own "Adventure Book".

This handmade, leather bound journal will be where I record all of my thoughts and experiences throughout the year. I'm hoping to start a tradition of filling one out every year, so that I have someone physical to look back on and take in the memories in the future. 

I'm extremely excited to begin this project and to start making 2016 memories!

Until next time,

Hannah ❤

What's on My Bookshelf?

What's on my bookshelf this week?

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley 

(Currently rereading this one)

Women Who Run With the Wolves:

Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph. D.

And above is a picture of my late night book purchase for the week, which consists of:

Women Who Run With the Wolves

The Four Agreements:

A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

by Don Miguel Ruiz

Warrior Goddess Training:

Become the Woman You Are Meant To Be

by HeatherAsh Amara

What is on your bookshelf?

Happy Reading!

~ Hannah ♥

My Literary Bucket List!

I've finally done it! I started writing a list of all of the literary works I want to read. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to get around to writing one, considering how much I love reading, but no more excuses. 

I now have a page on this blog dedicated to books I want to read (or have read), and I plan on checking them all off. For now, it's just a short list of classics I was able to jot down quickly, but I will be adding to it as I go. 

Let the Adventure Begin!

~Hannah ♥

Bucketlist Item: Learn to Make a Croissant. Check!

As of yesterday, I can officialy cross "Making a Croissant" off of my bucketlist!

I had actually forgotten this item was on there when I first started working at the bakery, and it wasn't until I was able to look my list over this last week that I realized I had almost accomplished it. Making these takes four days of mixing, shaping, freezing, thawing, sheeting, folding butter in, then finally cutting, shaping, and baking. 

For the last month I've been doing all but the last three steps of this process, but I was finally taught how to cut and shape them yesterday, and above is the finished product. 

So that is one item down, many more to go!

Lets see which ones I can complete next. 

~ Hannah ❤

Photo Challenge

Hello All!

I know I haven't updated my blog in FOREVER, but between my computer breaking a few months ago, and transitioning to a new job, it's been hard to write anything on here.

So. Updates....

I started working in a local bakery last month as a baker/pastry chef, and I absolutely love it! It's hard work, and going to work at 2am is somewhat hard to get used to, but I feel that I am learning fast, and I feel myself getting stronger every day.

Day 1 - My 23rd Birthday!

 

 



My birthday was last month, and I decided that this year I would challenge myself to take a picture of myself every day. Now, this doesn't sound overly exciting, and possibly vaguely narcissistic, but I have my reasons.

First, I want to see how I change throughout the year, since we are not often aware of any changes that occur to ourselves throughout the year, it's only in looking back that we actually see them.

Second, although I know that so far my pictures have consisted of quite a few "selfies", I want to be able to document experiences I have throughout the year, and I am hoping that this will also inspire me to make new memories, and take part in more exciting  experiences.

And, thirdly, I see this as an art project of sorts, documenting both my good and bad days. I have already had a few photos where I am half awake (and look it), several without any sort of makeup, and I am ok with that. I feel that too often we only post the "good" pictures of ourselves, that have been prepared for and edited, and I feel that we lose our humanness through these pictures.
I know for a fact, that most of the time I don't look like that gorgeous picture I posted three weeks ago, after a half hour of trying to get my winged eyeliner just right, followed by 20 snapshots to get the lighting just right, and another 5-10 minutes spent choosing the perfect filter.

And you know why I don't look like that 24/7?

I AM HUMAN

I have scars. My left eye turns in, and up until my teens I was considered legally blind in that eye, because my eyesight was 20/200 and worse. I have flat feet. I am 23 and already am getting grey hair. I have anxiety. I have cellulite and stretch marks, and my boobs sag a little bit. I will never have a "thigh gap", and I am more than ok with that.

But in spite of all of these "flaws" that society makes us think we have to feel sorry for having, I know I am beautiful. So my left eye isn't great? My eyes are both beautiful, and the vision in that eye has improved over the years, and it's better than perfect in my other eye.

Cellulite? Grey Hair? Stretchmarks? Boob saggage? I have two beautiful six year olds to thank for that, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lack of thigh gap? My thighs are muscular and strong, and I know I can count on them to get me to where I need to be.

I look at my body, and my existence as a work of art. Every scar tells a story and every experience I've had, has made me the woman I am today.

So this is why I am really participating in this challenge. I want to share all of those moments, good and bad, to show how very human I am.

That's all for tonight folks!

See you soon!

~ Hannah ♥

30 Days

I loooove TED talks. So many interesting topics, and people, and you end up walking away feeling inspired, or more intelligent. They are awesome!

This one, titled "Try something new for 30 days", popped up in my Facebook newsfeed, and I ended up watching it and feeling inspired to try a 30 day challenge of my own.

My first challenge?

Studying Italian for an hour every day for the next 30 days.

Here's to day 1. Let's see how much I can learn by February 15th. :)

~ Hannah ♥

Postmodern Jukebox

I just discovered the band Postmodern Jukebox, and I just love them. They take popular songs, give them a makeover, with a jazzy edge, and the results are amazing. Above is a remake of Sam Smith's 'Stay With Me", that I thought I'd share. It's beautiful. Enjoy!

~Hannah ♥

Making Dreams Reality

[Source]

I just read an article on Elephantjournal.com (which is one of my favorite websites to visit) titled How to Say Screw It & Live Brilliantly, that inspired me to write a post.

I am a dreamer. A big dreamer. Always have been, always will be. I have plans and goals for my life that many people think will never happen; maybe in the movies, but not real life.

Yes, they haven't happened yet, but I have had no doubt that they will, someday, somehow.

I have come to the realization though that there is a problem with the way I have been thinking about these dreams of mine. This whole time I have been waiting for everything to come together; waiting for money to fall in my lap; waiting until my children are older; waiting until I'm not so busy.

I can't just keep waiting for my dreams to come true though. I have to MAKE them happen. I have to be more proactive about what I want. I am not going to learn that new language or instrument if I keep waiting until I have the time to devote to it. I am not going to take my dream trip to Italy (or anywhere else for that matter), unless I actually start saving money and planning a trip. I won't publish a book if I don't start writing. And I won't own a bakery or restaurant if I don't start writing a business plan and looking for funding.

I realize now that, although I am happy to call myself a dreamer, that is all I will ever be if I don't start really living and taking action. I am done waiting around, living a normal, boring life, while drooling over pictures of foreign cities and forgotten places. I always felt so out of place growing up, longing for adventure and wanting more than the simple lives I saw functioning around me. I wanted to learn, and travel, and have great adventures like the ones I read about in my books... Maybe that's why I have always loved Beauty and the Beast so much and could always relate to Belle... I am done longingly waiting for everything to come together, and continually putting my goals and dreams on the backburner, while dealing with "life". From now on my life will be the adventure I have always wanted, no longer settling for second best, and always pushing for the things I deserve, without being afraid of failure and the unknown.

I am doing this for myself, but also for my children. I want them to see me as an example of what life can be like if you pursue your dreams, and don't listen to the naysayers and "realists" who are always there to remind you that you could fail, and to question why you would try something that might not work out. Well, I would much rather try and fail at something extraordinary, that I love, than try and fail at something "safe", out of the fear of "what if".

So I am saying goodbye now to my old normal, everyday life, and hello to the new adventure I am beginning.

Wish me luck.

~Hannah ♥

Apple Picking

 

The twins and I went apple picking last week, and I thought that I would share some of the pictures.

 

 

~ Hannah ♥

French Style Hot Chocolate

 

 

It's that time of year again!!!

Ever since I was little, my favorite season has always been Fall. I look forward to it all year long, yearning for the brightly colored leaves during the gray depths of Winter, and the brisk chilly air, while enduring Summer heat waves. 

I love the colors, and the pumpkins, and the boots, and scarves, and I especially love cool October nights spent cuddling and reading, while sipping hot tea or cocoa.

So, in celebration of the season, I am posting a recipe for a wonderful French style cocoa I tried earlier this year.

 

Ingredients:

 4 oz semisweet chocolate

4 c milk

3/4 c half & half

1/2 c sugar

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2  tsp nutmeg

1/4 tsp allspice

1 tsp vanilla

1 c. Heavy whipping cream

Extra sugar

 

Directions:

 1. Melt chocolate in 1 cup of milk, stirring constantly, over low heat.

 

2. Gradually add the rest of the milk, the half & half, and all ingredients, except for vanilla.

 

3. Stir constantly, cooking over medium heat, until thoroughly heated.

 

4. Stir in vanilla.

 

5. Whip heavy whipping cream with extra sugar (to taste).

 

6. Serve cocoa in mugs, topped with whipped cream and nutmeg.

 

7. Enjoy while cuddled in front of the fire, or reading a book. ♥

 

~ Hannah ♥

 

 I did find this recipe here, if you are interested in looking at it, as I did not add the almond extract and added sugar to the whipped cream topping.

Where There is Love

I have decided to start a separate blog for things like causes and documentaries, important issues (etc), and just focus on things like romantic living on this blog. So if you would like to visit my new blog Where There is Love, just follow the link. I will be continuing my "documentary of the week" posts on that blog if you are interested. :)

~ Hannah ♥